Intimate In Sight

Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.

― Hunter S. Thompson

One of the most logical things a man can say.

Now my views on sex are very very cavalier and I acknowledge that. I don’t really believe in “casual encounters” if you will. Because sex is something (at least to me) that has a lot more valuable than just physical pleasure for two humans. It releases specific chemicals in our brain and body for a reason, to induce feelings of love and emotion. Those feelings bring out too much of an inner dialogue that ATTEMPT to allude me to the possible outcomes of the immediate future. Whether the result is permanent or temporary, the cross chatter is too much for me to handle at this point. Its like being in the middle of a crowded Wall Street stock trading office, and everyone’s throwing offers up and down. Me being the moderator I don’t know what to go with. So I try to avoid that road and stick to detours. I know I can’t take detours forever. The day will come when I will stand proud and decisive  and shut that internal racket up. I’m really glad I can’t handle having empty sex. That makes me feel like the love is false, which is never a good feeling for us females. For now though I seem to be incapable of human intimacy without over analyzing and thinking too much. I can be in the moment when it comes to matters of the heart, but I chose to wait for that instant of sparks within my heart center. I haven’t felt sparks in my heart center yet.

This is how I usually explain it to the locals. Since we are triune creatures (body, mind, and spirit) I try to connect with others on a spirit and mind level first. I like to know that they have some depth and care to know what lies beyond these three dimensions, and that they aren’t a unaware egotist. It is WAY too easy to connect with humans on a physical plane, everyone has the capability to have sex with anyone. I just chose to explore the deep ocean before gazing at the surface. Work my way up to the actual aesthetics of the water, what the naked eye sees, metaphorically speaking of course.

And maybe that’s the key to getting what we TRULY desire. you know the phrase “good things come to those who wait”. well in this dimension, this is the only place where we will learn patience. No other dimension you need to “wait”, but in this place time and space seem to be everything. If we let go of time and not see it so linear like then “time” will fly and we will be where we want to be, granted we make good choices and remain peaceful to all. So I shall wait, for sex because I would wait for love.

 

ps. not saying i wasn’t in love when i had my first encounters but after the falling out of the third… i just take everything as a sign

 

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