YES, EVERY LOVE DOES INVOLVE GUTS~PART TWO
this post doesn’t even deserve an image.
So about that Aquarius love that had entered my life. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, right? Wrong; as wrong as two plus two equally eight. When you enter a relationship with another human that usually means you’d like to invest time and energy into that other human. I was so deep in this shit because I was at a point in my life where I was ready to love again; I was open to the idea of falling for someone and being a couple rather than a single. So I was slightly blinded in this entire situation by the oxytocin of fresh love and a new city to explore. Once he started working and not spending as much time with me, things shifted. He stopped paying me any mind, stopping sleeping with me, he wouldn’t even give me eye contact. Even today I’m still completely clueless as to why. So while being ignored by my masked fiancé for two weeks, naturally I started to vent to other people. I attempted to fix the situation by talking about it and even breaking up, but somehow he didn’t accept that. There was no solution. I was in the dark in my own relationship. I vented to my girlfriend and my street friends constantly because I had no idea what to do. I wanted to stay a resolve the conflict. I loved him, I thought I could fix it, I was so jaded, and there was no fixing this. After being depressed about being ignored by the man that had asked me to marry him, it slowly formed into rage. I would make snarky comments and stop doing his laundry. Petty shit to show him I was mad because he wouldn’t have even known I was still alive if I didn’t throw his dirty clothes on the floor. Unfortunately for me my rage was directed at myself. I couldn’t upset the rest of my house mates with screaming and violence. So I quietly took my anger out on myself. It was a mistake and definitely something that wasn’t me. I had been possessed by the aggressive, dark alpha male entity in that house. So the Aquarius and I were over, my girlfriend said it was a lost cause, and I had given up all hope because I found messages and calls from other girls while we were still together. He had looked in my phone prior to because he knew I was vented to other guys and girls. Jealousy? Insecurity? Pure narcissism. I have no idea, and I don’t care. I got an offer to go to Florida for the weekend and I took it. The house was burning and I saw an open window. I felt my roommates needed me to be away for a few days. I had told the house and was supported in my decision by everyone except my ex. He called right as I was leaving Asheville because he wanted to hang out…good fucking timing ass hole. I told him “I didn’t think you wanted to see me let alone speak to me.” He got mad about my departure and hung up. So off to Florida I went. And that is an entirely different post because in that time between Asheville, Jacksonville, and Palm Coast, my life started to fade out and death was approaching me yet again.