The YX Chromosome

I wrote this 1 July 2015 and I finally have the courage to publish it.


 

A lot of children in my generation are the product of divorced couples, at least, so I’ve met. It’s an anomaly lately to meet a 90’s kid with parents that are still together. Those of single parents, and untethered relations with families/friends , I always relate it back to my unhinging parental units. Although I am close with them somehow, yet not at all, I suppose that’s just that physical world bond that we all have to each other. and we can really only feel it, through our blood. once we open up to the idea of collective consciousness, we are able to physically feel that bond of love with strangers. So even though my parents some days feel like random passer-bys, I can feel the bond with them fully.

 

Everyone always asks why I make some sort of uncontent noise when the mention of my father spurs up. Well because my father’s not a really horrible guy, he’s just a fool and a trickster. ironically, those can easily be the least favorite archetypes and tarot cards, depending on the situation.

 

I had painted quite a glorious picture of my father, until i began to find out the truth. Slowly but surely in the hardest ways, as I always learn lessons, seeing the real image of him welled up so much horror from within. I couldn’t bare to look. But I never thought to look, so when I saw I realized that he isn’t there. Not anymore at least.

 

I can no longer see my father.

It’s as if he’s already dead,

as if he’s gone down a road

to where it’s so far off,

I can no longer see him.

It feels like he is just a man

elsewhere with a drinking problem,

not my father.

Not a man who is clever or witty,

one who is manipulative and asinine.

A beastly male complex,

wishing for better but refuses

to read signs, so he steps off the curb

and walks into unknown traffic.

He’s been a lucky bastard with

every step he takes

but spits in pride at the gifts handed to him.

This will go on, until he one day gets hit.

I can no longer see my father.

 

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