Specific? More like Vague Precision

Specific

I hope all this works, this is my first writing prompt and of course I get the worst word that only applies to my life when it comes in food form.


What the hell am I supposed to do with Specific? Write about something specific and be very direct about it? Maybe make specific part of the title (done & done), I have no clue.

But its got me writing so we’ll go with it.

When I think specific I think ‘Oh God, what am i supposed to say? theres nothing remotely specific about me, I’m indecisive and broad and all over the place’, as most 23 year olds usually are. That’s what we call ‘the struggle’.

The only specific thing about me is my big curly hair, which gets most of the comments from strangers. Same thing with my last name

VALLADARES

Is it Spanish? Am I Italian? How the hell do you even pronounce it?

VAL-UH-DARE-ES

Noun; person- canary island origin, Key west born, fourth generation conch, I will add

But the shitty thing about my last name, is that its not truly mine.

My father was adopted by a beautiful man who carried this name. Canary island heritage is someone else’s bloodline. Not mine.

So what am I? Specifically? Culturally?

Spanish, Irish, German, bit of Dutch, Filipino…

Thats only on my mothers side.

A woman who was married to my father did some research because she too had the inching sensation of where did he come from? Why would anyone give him up? It was the 50’s and his parents were probably young and out of wedlock.

She told me he was New Mexican Indigenous and Spanish directly from Spain. She was a spanish nurse coming to help in New Mexican territory and  he must have really liked her nursing skills.

Thats just a story I tell myself now, I don’t know how factual it is.

But my intuition tells me Indigenous/Native American is accurate. I’ve been called to that culture through many different channels and am very strongly  rooted in my feelings.

However, not knowing what or who’s blood runs through you, leaves you feeling half full and curious about your own self. You, the person who should know you best; and yet I don’t know my own past.

I suppose I’m not alone. That makes me American, I’m a mutt. One of those lonely pit bull pups that no one wants because of the reputation they hold (which is inaccurate).

That’s also probably why theres a ever browning population of people using Ancestry.com’s DNA testing thingy, and that 23 and Me people who do the exact same thing.

So this year, I dive into myself and go to every corner to find out who I am. Culturally, spiritually, geographically.

Is that specific enough?

Blessings and Love,

Tally

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