Writing was always a therapeutic outlet for me. Ever since I was very small and could write, I always did. If I was upset or just happy, I would write about my day and boys I had crushed on. Then as I got older I seemed to resent it more because it was forced in school. I still journaled often but it was full of teenage angst and I never wanted to write more than I had to. So I fell of the page for a while until one weekend at Aura music festival, I rediscovered what I needed to do.


I was wondering around checking out the vendors and all the festival had to offer. This was my very first festival all by my lonesome, so I had complete freedom and uninhibited will to go and see everything and every one. It was a full moon, I believe it was valentines day as well. I was walking around looking for a fire to join, and I stood in front of a barrel I felt good about. There was a tall boy next to me who was blocking the moon light and I remember scooting over so I could have a clear view of it. I mentioned something about it to the couple of hippies around this barrel and they all admired as well. The tall boy next to me looked back at me and introduced himself. He was a good looking fella I might add so I knew I was in trouble.

His name was Mattias. He was Swedish and he had gotten himself a VIP pass and he too was all alone at this festival. We got to talking and had a lot in common and spent some time together for the next day then continued a relation for a little while after that. But while at Aura, he had brought some blue cap mushrooms with him. And if you’ve never had blue caps before I suggest not too take as many as you have, moderation with those things because they are troublesome little devils. We both probably ate close to and eighth and thats far more than I’ve ever consumed in one sitting. Needless to say, it went a rye very quickly.

Fungus takes a little bit until you can fully feel it coursing in your blood and effecting your vision, tripping you out, making you dizzy, and giving you the damn yawns. We wandered to the main stage and I think it was PapaDosio that we saw at that stage. I had seen them before and I love them; so I sat against a tree, listened attentively and waited for the trip to start. I remember watching an LED poi flow from this guy who was absolutely killer at it. Thats when the mushrooms hit.

I saw light trails coming off of everything moving, like in Donnie Darko when he sees that plasma pulling people to where they go. Everything got outrageously bright, like the sun had just risen and we were as close as we could be to that bright star. The trees got much taller, and I shrank smaller. It was super cold that night and I started shaking. I still don’t know if it was the mushrooms, just the cold, or both but I had to get up and go back to my tent. It wasn’t even because of me shaking, but because I was tripping hard and it was the most cerebral I had ever experienced.

It took what seemed like an hour to get back to my tent, I’m sure it was only like ten minutes though, but time slows down and speeds up all at once when you take psychedelics. Since I don’t take them often, that was definitely a factor of my super crazy mind falling out of my ears. I got back to my tent, and immediately burritoed myself into my sleeping bag and flew off into my head. I don’t exactly know if I fell asleep or stayed awake just tripping out, but either way this is what happened.

I mandala of Egyptian hieroglyphs, and geometric shapes all swirling in a vortex toward a black hole kind of center. I kept hearing me or some other manifestation of myself telling me to write this down. YOU NEED TO WRITE THIS. YOU NEED TO GO FIND PAPER AND WRITE THIS DOWN. YOU NEED TO WRITE A BOOK. WRITE A BOOK. I woke up at sunrise, took the craziest poop of my life, peed a gallons worth of pee, then went on about my day. That very week I believe I started this blog and began to write my heart out. I later found my voice, and the inspiration for the novella I am currently writing.

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So why do I write?

I write because its good for me. It heals my mind, and keeps my voice loud. Even if no one reads or hears, its my free form of therapy.

I ask you, why do you write?

Blessings and love








Hallelujah for Gay Marriage!

thank you America for realizing LOVE IS LOVE




then this short video

now this last one


Still think racism is dead? it just fell under the surface.


Messages From An Indigo~ Generational Theory

Our generation has become completely addicted to itself. We feel the need to preserve our legacy as independent, separate individuals. Even though we all are attempting to be one and now with the conscious collective. I honestly do not like my generation and what it’s become, maybe it’s just in America that’s like this, and I see it in other countries too but those that are privileged enough to have computers, phones, internet, wifi, tablets and all the crap we don’t need, we take complete advantage of. I know I am a complete hypocrite as I type on my unnecessary Chromebook and I look to my right and there’s my smartphone with a text message from a boy waiting for me. But these things do not matter to me, when I want to write I write. When I want to look or talk to the boy I can go and see him whenever. I have these things mostly because I am attempting to keep up with the times. They make it very difficult, especially in this country, to not have technology.

I have an obsession with the TV show American Horror Story. I have always loved a good scary story and this beautiful work of director and writer cinematography is genius. In season 3 there was an incredible monologue by Emma Roberts and I’m sure it impacted people as much as it did me.

“I am a millennial. Generation Y; born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take. They call us the global generation. We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it’s because we’re the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it’s because social media allows us to post when we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see. But it seems our one defining trait is a numbness to the world. An indifference to suffering. 

I know I did anything I could to not feel; sex, drugs, booze. Just take away the pain. Take away my mother and my asshole father and the press and all the boys I loved who wouldn’t love me back. Hell, I was gang raped and two days later I was back in class like nothing had ever happened. I mean, that must have hurt like hell, right? Most people never get over stuff like that and I was like, “Let’s go get Jamba juice!”

I would give everything I have or will ever have just to feel pain again; to hurt. Thank God for Fiona and her herb garden. One advantage of being kind of dead is that you don’t have to sweat warning labels. There was this one brown liquid that I thought made my nipples tingle for a second but I think it was psychosematic because I polished off the rest of it and didn’t feel shit. I tried every eye of nute and wing of fly until I found something that made me not look like Marilyn Manson anymore.

And that’s the rub of all this, isn’t it? I can’t feel shit. I can’t feel anything. We think that pain is the worst feeling. It isn’t. How could anything be worse than this eternal silence inside of me. 

I use to not eat for days or eat like crazy then stick my fingers down my throat. Now no matter how much I binge I can’t fill this hole inside me.

I can’t take it anymore. I think I’m going batshit. I need to do something.”

Then she proceeds to ingest anything and everything she can, cut her self, burn her skin. She feels nothing because she had died, she feels as though she is nothing. Low and behold then she rediscovers sex, ironically with another boy who had died and been resurrected. And even though he loves another she has no care. All she wants is to feel, so that she can be satisfied with the life she has been given a second chance at. We never are content with just being ourselves, or alone with ourselves. We cling to our screens and money, our egos and hobbies. Then upon writing this tangent I found yet another incredible article on The Collective Evolution.


It’s sad that this article is pretty accurate, and I feel like our technology progression is somewhat to blame.

We are an outrageously progressed generation, from our thought processing to technology. Social medias come in every shape and size, but are all pretty much the same thing….HERE IS MY ENTIRE LIFE AT your FINGER TIPS. And since big brother is certainly not a myth or just a conspiracy theory, our entire existence is in a database, filed away if colleges, jobs, the gall-1024x768overnment, hackers, anyone, wants it. I can’t understand why we’re compelled to expose and exploit every detail of our life. And yes I am a supreme hypocrite by because I have an instagram and blog, but I do this so I don’t rip my hair out and go bonkers while grocery shopping in Kroger. Most of my blogs are first written out then transferred to my blog, also I’m practicing my writing                                                             style until I go back to school.

I understand confidence and wanting to share that, or a journey & experience that people should see through your eyes, or having cool surroundings and material items that you want to show off. But we have become completely obsessed with it. I’m just bewildered because its spread in both directions, to younger and older, its like we constantly have to be somewhere else besides where we are or with someone else instead of the people sitting right in front of us.

Alan Watts is another incredible author that helps to put philosophy and religion into different perspectives so we can fully comprehend it. Specifically, with this post his words on “The Mind” is exactly what I’m trying to get across.

This is a great example of well put to use social media. Blogs such as this mans (link below) is a journey worth reading about.

Photo by The Counter Intuitive Blog

There is no ONE for every ONE ~ a multitude of love tangent

As I continue to read Aldous Huxley’s novel ‘Brave New World,’ I am realizing that there is no one for every one. The ever popular phrase “there’s some one for everyone” is turning into as big of a myth as the Easter bunny story.


We, as a human species, have a very difficult time being monogamous. There are only about eleven or twelve species of animals, out of the hundreds, that mate for life. We, humans, are conditioned to “mate for life” but that’s only due to the heavily embellished religion that ruled our society for so long. I honestly have come to believe that we are not meant to be with only one for our entire lives. cheating, adultery, polygamy have been the result of all the bullshit we have been forced to live by, considering our society was founded on greed and stealing. Being that we naturally are attracted to anyone who peaks our curiosity, we instinctively are drawn to the earthly desires temptingly us every time we open our eyes. It’s not considered cheating when a tiger mates then leaves to go find new territory to claim it’s own. And they might mate again, it all depends. But that’s just nature. People often get cheated on or cheat. I don’t know what the statistics are for cheating in marriage or just relations, but seriously who gives a fuck about stats? Just a better reason to make stereotypes…once a cheater always a cheater…People can change. thank you and goodnight that was our special guest of the article Tally Rants. No one, ergo, no singular one for any singular. Therefore, a possibility  of the concept Plural for plural.


Let’s all consider, whether you believe it to be true, just go with, that the collective (consciousness) is real. And everything that we do affects those around us even from a distance and even from a neighbor. What we do, collectively harbors what goes on everywhere. Because we are one, individuals combining to make a whole, we will. Am I being comprehensive? The butterfly effect. Real. So if we all be happy, act happy and love, then all living beings will be happy and love. Light fills to all it reaches, the unlimited and infinite.

Acting as We are all each other, we are still ourselves, yet collectively linked to a higher energy. The divine.


But this world, this shadow world, illusionary and even sometimes hellish earth we reside on, is temporary. We live,we die, recycle. This is only a shadow world because it was created if one, into two, duality, night /day etc, then the inhabitants of it, humans, are made naturally of one from two into three. Numerology. So in order to attempt to justify this tangent, whatever we do, whether its be with one or many, if its out of pure LOVE not Ego, then it wouldn’t affect the collective consciousness so heavily. But since we all do what we do mostly subconsciously, from Ego, then negative repercussions always follow close by.


The concept of a “soul mate” vs the concept of a “twin flame” there are over a billion people and we, for reasons I’ll never fathom, believe that if we look hard enough in the very state we live in we are bound to find our “one and only,” that vaguely sounds possessive, doesn’t it? And kind of immoral, because isn’t sharing caring? That’s like saying I’ll only eat one meal forever til i die just because i enjoyed it once, so I’ll stick with this and never have anything else again. Once I get that meal, it is MINE no one else order it or look at it. Mine. Until I’m dead.


Now, I am the BIGGEST cliche of all because I grew watching way too many movies and reading too many romanticism novels. I am a firm believer in Soul Mates and Twin Flames. However I believe to add to that thought, with a theory of there being more than one for us. Seeing as how we are all one on a conscious state, couldn’t it be possible that we are able to have soul connections with more than one other being?

Now I’m no polygamist or adulterer but in current American society even looking at another human if you have one of your own is liable to slap a big scarlet letter right on your forehead for all to see. This isn’t Salem, or the 1700’s. We are adults who love to love. However since we don’t love wholly and selflessly, once your a couple, that’s it. They are your friends, your family, your one. That’s all we get is one. I dont believe that’s what creation wanted. If creation wanted that it’s make a majority of the natural monogamous and make polygamy the anomaly.


This isn’t a suggestive piece to go off and be with everyone you wish. The Sacred Union is still EXTREMELY important in this time. Becoming one with another, but when all else fails one doesn’t need to close off the box of your heart to everyone else. Risks are the only way of learning and experiencing. Love thyself, and love another. We all are capable of big love, and seeing as we are conditioned not to spread love and share, then we continue the vicious cycle of lying and untruthful being.

We are allowed to love fully, and have a multitude of love as long as its honest and the intentions are good. It doesn’t come from Ego or greed, just love of another.


Artwork by Alex Grey and Photo from MagicalRealism.weebly.com

Bartering Resurfaced



No where, it just sank underground.

It is alive and kicking in the underlyings of America. All the best hippies are doing it. Even on a local level people still trade goods and services. Mostly because we’re all broke and far below the poverty line. Yet we still seem to be the happiest bunch of humans in the eyes of society. Although society does just see us as drug taking fornicators 😉 but fuck em we clearly don’t give two cents to the way society sees us. We are Indigo. We will do what we please apparently. How do you think we are the new baby boomer generation? Forget that for now, your grandchildren will read about us in their very inaccurate history books. That is if you decide to expose them to public school.

BARTERING. excuse my semi-tangents please. That was a time when the population was seemingly happy with the way the economy ran. However, the population is also the reason it sank as hard as the Titanic. People are greedy, untrustworthy, don’t live up to their word, and can break a hand shake easier than a “signed document and record of the transaction.” Everyone went crazy with it so now it’s an underground trend that, I’m sure, more than us hippies have gotten a hold of.

I feel like that’s one of the plethora of reasons why we get addicted to festivals. You really can go to a fest with no money, not even a ticket- that is if you know how to sneak in, and still come out fed and maybe with a little money. You need to know how to hustle a bit if you are trying to make money. But the majority of festy heads are there for the music people and arts. There also been a vast number of transformation fests being held on the east coast which is impressive in my opinion because we are always last to get the latest. We aren’t as hip as California now.

I haven’t attended a transformic fest yet only due to lack of resources. Resources including a car and money. I have all the time in the world to go to festivals. So bartering, is a natural thing to mention when crossing paths with any form of artist or vendor.

“Do you barter?”

As long as it isn’t an undercover, which it shouldn’t be because they only buy they never sell, you’re fine to bring it up. And if you are an artist, crafter, spinner, any thing but a vendor, most of the time if you have something to offer you can negotiate and trade with anyone you please.


In addition to groundscores, the perks of being on green team at any festival :), bartering is my favorite thing to do at a fest. It’s an easy way to make friends, money, new materials, etc. By the way “groundscores” are what you find after the festival is over or during the festival and it’s basically yours if no one stops you from picking it up. Glorified lost and found/finders keepers deal.

And all that is just in the hippie-dom under the surface of our feet. In plain site yet kept under wraps enough to where we all aren’t getting arrested. They’re kind of similar to protests…protests of normal human patterns that is. Even though fests have been around since 69. There could be a whole world of bartering (which there totally is online) out there that the mainstream public doesn’t know about. I certainly don’t, but that’s because I like to shut myself off from the general public. That’s an entirely different rant I need to be a little drunk to write about.

Carry on.